Dr. Alan Zwerdling, Ph.D, is a highly experienced psychologist and relationship expert specializing in individual counseling, psychotherapy, marriage counseling, couples therapy, family therapy, pre-marriage counseling, Emotionally Focused Therapy, counseling for depression, anxiety, stress, shame, fear, anger management, self-esteem, panic, grief, adjustment issues, conflict resolution, communication, PTSD, trauma, addiction, codependency, recovery, 12-Step, ACoA, alcoholism, drug abuse, affairs, infidelity, cheating, adultery, intimacy, love, dating, separation and divorce counseling, step-family and re-marriage adjustment.  His private office serves Red Bank, Middletown, Shrewsbury, Rumson, Navesink, Fair Haven, Holmdel, Colts Neck, Tinton Falls, Ocean Township, Long Branch, Eatontown, Asbury Park, Keyport, Hazlet, Lincroft, Marlboro, Manalapan, Highlands, Atlantic Highlands, Oceanport, Monmouth Beach, Spring Lake, Sea Girt, Manasquan, Oakhurst, Wall Township, Howell, Freehold, Aberdeen, Morganville, Matawan, Monmouth County, and the Jersey Shore, New Jersey.  07701, 07702, 07704, 07712, 07716, 07719, 07722, 07724, 07727, 07728, 07730, 07731, 07732, 07733, 07735, 07737, 07738, 07739, 07740, 07746, 07747, 07748, 07750, 07752, 07753, 07755, 07757, 07760, 07762, 07764.

Dr.  Alan Zwerdling's website does not provide medical, psychological or psychiatric advice, diagnosis or treatment.  The contents of this website, such as text, graphics, images and other material contained on the website are for informational purposes only.  This website's content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical, psychological or psychiatric advice, diagnosis or treatment.  Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist or other qualified helath provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical, psychological or psychiatric condition.  Never disregard professional medical, psychological or psychiatric advice, or delay in seeking it, because of something you have read on this website.  If you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.

For Information or Appointment Call: (732) 936-1212
Dr. Alan Zwerdling, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist, NJ License #2186
170 Route 35, Red Bank, NJ 07701
Experienced Therapy for Exceptional Relationships

"Dr. Zwerdling's gentle and compassionate presence gave me the courage to go within to heal the pain and face the beliefs I held about myself that were unloving.  His insights and ability to guide me in seeing my inner being as one deserving of self-love, as a woman with deep resilience and strength, gave me the ability to release the emotional suffering to create internal freedom to be at peace with my experiences and to find joy in myself and in my life again".

Counseling for Affairs & Infidelity

Emotional and online affairs...

When one partner in a committed relationship  turns to someone else as their primary source of emotional support and deep personal sharing, whether in- person or on-line, that is called an emotional affair.  Many partners find that the pain and betrayal of an emotional affair is equal to or even greater than a sexual affair.  An emotional or online affair is a signal that it is time to get help, that the relationship is in trouble.  Whatever is causing one partner to turn away and seek comfort elsewhere must be addressed before the damage to the relationship worsens.

If you are  struggling with the pain of an affair and would like to discuss how counseling can help, call:

(732) 936-1212

or click here to send email

Expert, compassionate guidance...

As an experienced psychologist and marriage counselor, I have been helping couples heal from affairs and infidelity, rebuild trust, and restore loving relationships for 30 years.  In fact, many of the couples I see discover that, after couples therapy or marriage counseling has been completed, their relationship is stronger, closer and more rewarding and secure than it ever was before.  And the tools you learn in couples therapy can help you maintain an intimate, loving and secure relationship for the rest of your lives.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)...

Emotionally Focused Therapy is commonly regarded as one of the most effective approaches to couples therapy and marriage counseling available today.  It has been shown to be very successful in helping couples recover from affairs and infidelity using a specific model that gets to the core of the healing process.  As a fully certified EFT therapist, I can help you find your way from anger, confusion and despair to sanity, security and forgiveness.  (Read more about EFT.)

If your partner had an affair...

You are hurting, angry, confused, sad, or worse.  Things don't make sense.  Your world has been turned upside down by infidelity and you don't know what the truth is.  You may be wondering if your whole relationship has been a lie, whether you were foolish to ever trust your partner's love, how you could have missed the signs.  You may be obsessing over every detail, triggered by awful thoughts and images in your head, erupting into angry fits of yelling or crying.  The feelings of betrayal are so painful and so deep.  It feels like there is no answer.  You just don't know what to do.

If you had an affair...

You may be feeling confused, guilty, sad, or angry.  You may not have intended for this affair to happen, wondering how it did happen, feeling terrible for having hurt your partner.  You want to put the infidelity behind you, stop talking about it, stop the hurt and the pain and all the fighting.  You're not sure how to answer your partner's questions, how to cope with the anger and the emotional upheaval.  You're concerned about the future of your marriage, how this will effect the children, if there's any hope of reconciliation and closure.  Or maybe you're having trouble ending the affair, feeling pulled in two different directions, not sure what to do.

Your relationship can survive, even thrive...

Although it may seem unrealistic right now, research shows that the majority of relationships can survive infidelity, provided the affair is ended and both partners are willing to commit to a process of couples therapy or marriage counseling and do the work of healing.  I specialize in helping couples get on the right path and take specific steps toward healing, rebuilding trust, and restoring intimacy following affairs and infidelity.  You'll learn what triggers the hurt partner's flashbacks and anger, and discover the tools to manage those moments as a couple, restoring peace and developing healthy communication.  You'll learn how to deal with the pain, how to connect with each other in a way that builds closeness and connection and hope for the future.  You'll learn how and why the affair happened, and how to create the kind of emotional bond and connection that can fulfill you, protect you from infidelity in the future, and keep your relationship safe as you move forward together.

Red Bank Couples Therapy

& Individual Counseling

Experienced Therapy for Exceptional Relationships

Call  For Information:

(732) 936-1212

The benefits of counseling for affairs and infidelity...

  • You can heal from the hurt and pain together, and move forward.
  • You can rebuild trust, and feel safer and more secure now and in the future.
  • You can rekindle emotional and physical closeness, connection and intimacy.
  • You can learn to listen from the heart and really understand each other.
  • You can appreciate each other's deepest needs and be able to fulfill them.
  • You can establish a true emotional bond and take your relationship to a new level.
  • You can develop healthy boundaries and protect your relationship from further injury.
  • You can put an end to old destructive patterns of behavior that kept you apart.
  • You can feel sure that you are there for each other, and be able to count on each other.
  • You can rekindle feelings of being "in love" and rediscover fun, affection and romance.

Steps to healing from affairs and infidelity...

  1. Managing the immediate crisis.  Facing the emotional storms of relationship betrayal.  Coping with shifts between intense anger, longing and detachment.  Coping with guilt and shame.  Making thoughtful short-term decisions about boundaries to create safety.  Should you separate?  Tell family and friends?  Confront the affair partner?  How to manage stress?
  2. Working through the emotional injury.  Helping the injured partner to identify, process and express emotional pain and the impact of the affair in a way that the partner is able to hear and understand.  Helping the offending partner to put aside defensiveness and be able to hear and understand the depth of the partner's pain and the emotional damage caused by the affair.
  3. Making sense of the affair.   Clarifying why, what, and how it happened.  Helping the offending partner take responsibility for the affair and the violation of trust, and to express deep empathy, regret and/or remorse for the suffering caused to the partner.
  4. Repairing the emotional bond and moving forward.  Rebuilding trust and risking emotional vulnerability and reconnection.  Forgiveness and reconciliation.


"We are so grateful to Dr. Zwerdling for helping us to keep our cherished family together, and even more for providing us the tools to reconnect as a couple and recommit to each other as partners in life.  His support has given us the strength to express ourselves more fully and to begin to understand a deeper love and appreciation for each other.  We are grateful for his role in our greatest gifts... the renewal of our marriage, the rediscovery of our love, and our family remaining together."